The TSA is now allowing knives in carry-ons.  At the same time, they gave the green light to anyone who wants to carry on their golf clubs, hockey sticks, or plastic wiffle ball style bats.

Wait, plastic wiffle ball style bats were banned by the TSA?  What on earth could you have done with a wiffle ball bat?  I'm sure that would have put the fear of God in anyone faced with it.  "OH MY GOD, IT'S A WIFFLE BALL BAT! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!"

Personally, I think allowing golf clubs and hockey sticks to be carried on is actually a conspiracy between the TSA and the airlines.  They'll force everyone else to shell out more money to check their bags. They're the poor shcmucks who boarded the plane last, and who won't be able to utilize the overhead bin space taken up by golf clubs, hockey sticks, and jackets that people always shove up there. (Even though the flight attendants tell them to wait until everyone has gotten on the plane and put their actual suitcases up there. You know, suitcases...those things you can't squish into pretty much any space like a jacket.)

Wanna know what you still can't bring on board?  A full tube of toothpaste.  I guess you won't really need the toothpaste if the guy who's got the hockey stick he carried on starts dishing out moves he wants to practice before he gets on the ice.